Tuesday, September 22, 2009


I have never lived alone off of a college campus until a few weeks ago.

I'm nearly 29.

When I did live alone, it was a mess.

I got so bored I would do the dishes from dinner and wash the clothes I just wore.

Every night.

I watched a lot of TV.

I swore I would never live alone again.

I moved out into the world and I didn't till now.

I figured it was time for me to focus on what I have to do so I opted for my own space.

Its been about a month and I am done. I am a Holmes, we aren't solo people.

I was raised in a crowd, with plenty of people to take care of who took care back. Taking care of myself is no fun.

One night in the dark on the golf course of Fisher, Jason asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I said.

"The person who puts the blanket on someone when they are sleeping, so they never wake up cold."

I wish I could remember what Jason said.

It was a pretty honest bit out of me.

I am not, nor will I ever be, a loner.

I'm not perfect and I need people. I need to feel like there is some sort of family in the house I live in.

Alone will never feel like home to me. My home was never empty.

I can travel alone, and I am at peace by myself.

But I am not living the way I want to.

Some souls just don't solo.

Monday, September 14, 2009

never underestimate the power of 365 days

In January when I converted this blog over to a different "format" I had one single post. It was about me trying to accomplish something on my life list.

This is the update to that January blog.

Nine months ago I had no idea where my feet would take me. I had no idea at the time I had it in me to start somewhere and finish over twenty-six miles later. I ran a marathon, and I was right Jim Lampman totally ran me through it.

In the winter I just went to the gym almost every night after work, I would just try to run 10% of a marathon, less than three miles. Then I just tried to run a 5k every time, 3.2 miles. Then a little more. I signed up for a St. Patrick's Day 5k at my sister's house in Carolina. Then a 10k in April near Bethesda. Then a half-marathon in CT to visit my brother in June.

Yesterday I ran a marathon in Rochester.

When I decided to sign-up I contacted people to support me. Bunny sent me a desk calendar training plan which was amazing and the best gift I have ever gotten, I teared up when I opened it because she put so much heart into it. I told Jim about the plan and he offered to run with me, which I was hoping he would do. He is now more or less the go-to guy for getting through your fist marathon. He made sure I drank, kept my sugar up, gave me electrolyte capsules, kept pace and even - sang.

It hurt, I was slow and consistent without any injuries or drama. I didn't kill myself, instead now I just want to run another to see if I can improve. I was nervous, didn't sleep, couldn't eat breakfast and now I want to know how I'd run after more than nine months of training and sleep.

After all, I do have a slightly addictive personality, hence the spreading ink on my body.

I think back to the fist time I took the road in Bethesda and how it became a ritual of running through town at night with my thoughts and music, waving at the people who came to expect me passing by. My roommates cheered me on and called me inspiring, I don't think they know how much that helped me into my shoes and out the door.

And the sleep! The glorious sleep from pure exhaustion after a wicked long run was better than any ambien. Running was curing my insomnia, relieving my stress and - making me feel not guilty for peanut butter. It was also the best people watching ever - a lunch time run around the national monuments by the cherry blossoms was a thrill.

Each year my life changes dramatically. There are lows and there are highs. I can say with total clarity the last 365 days have been an absolute high. A year ago today I went and looked at a room on Del Ray with some girls I didn't know. I decided to move to Bethesda. In the last year from that point I found a home and amazing friends, worked on Cap Hill, travelled far, kept a blog, started law school and slowly turned into a "runner."

Never, ever ever EVER underestimate the power of 365 days. Just love it and live each one.

I miss home, I miss my girls, I miss my long runs through the District, but I want to see what kind of magic I can work here in Albany and I will not take any day for granted.

I'm also gonna try to get another half-marathon in before the holidays.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


I, was in every effect, staying out of the way. This was my fourth set of movers in a two week period, my seventh move in a year.

In a way I couldn't feel more unproductive, running in circles seemed to be a way of life.

To make use of time I sat in the sun in the porch of my short stint of a home reading for Cohen's Torts class. Negligence, Battery, Assault, Intentional and Unintentional.

From where I sat I could see Chad and Jose load the truck. I knew it would all fit but I wondered why I bothered owning anything at all. It seems the more nomadic I become, I also grow increasingly sentimental.

I saw on the far porch a spot in the shade and without really looking up from the case I was reading I started to walk over when something shimmering in the sunlight of the afternoon stopped me.

I had nearly completely ruined the most extensive and picture perfect spider's web I had ever seen belonging to a proud architect seated comfortably at it's heart. It crossed the porch from front to back and had wings extending to the far east side of the house. I had nearly been completely covered in fine, sticky silk. I speculate that would have been to Steve's trapping pleasure till I left him homeless and unfed. Steve, the spider, was brown with red specks and totally spared my distructive step.

I set my papers down and reached for the camera on my phone. I tried to photograph what was virtually invisible catching only shadows and reflected light. Steve posed with valor at the helm of his castle.

Then a small trivial breeze blew the top sheet of my torts homework into the web, which held its weight for half a breath, then fell taking the incredible web down with it.

My heart crashed to the bottom of my chest and I cried out for Steve who had retreated to the side of the porch and scurried away.

Negligence, Battery, Assault, Intentional and Unintentional.